Where to begin, here at the end?

Well, this Every Other Year I am cutting it close - about an hour and a half in my time zone until 2017 is done. So if Blogger posts time by a different time zone I may be out of luck.  I have been thinking about what to post for several months now, very aware that it has been my every other year for many, many months already. Several ideas got tossed around, and this afternoon I even wrote out something I thought might work. It still didn't seem quite right. So, I've given myself the length of one of my favorite Sue Thomas F.B. Eye episodes (not one of the doubles) to get done in, and am encouraging myself to just be honest.

I never have been quite sure what the "purpose" of this blog is or who it is for. It hasn't become any clearer. My next every other year is 2019 - ten years from my first year posting - will I know by then? To my knowledge no one even reads it any more, and yet I keep it around.

Glancing back at some posts (but not all of them) it seems things have not changed much. I would still say life is hard, but that doesn't mean it's not good. And yes, I still feel like I am failing at much. But oh, how faithful God remains! And I would not know Him so well, nor run to Him so often, if this hard was not here.  And He is teaching me so much.

One thing He has been bringing up and developing over the years, and which I had written out something about this afternoon, is what a community of disciples of Jesus should be like. Oh church, I think we have missed some things! Or maybe it's just me who has missed some things.

So much goes into this idea of community - submission, authenticity, openness, accountability, discipling, welcoming.  To adequately address it would take more time than I have, and more than one post, no doubt. It is something I don't feel I have completely apprehended but would so enjoy discussing with people. Any takers?

To remind myself and to testify to others, what I would choose to emphasize here at the end, is that in spite of self-doubt and self-criticism, fears and worries, difficulties in communication with my marriage, almost daily struggles with my four children, anxieties about finances that are tight, and many failed attempts to find a schedule or routine that works to get everything I want into my days, God is faithful - He is hope in despair, strength in weakness, and joy in the midst of sadness and discouragement. Without God I would not be.

Going with honest and authentic, and having gone past my time limit, I'll be brave and not self edit - this is thoughts as they came out of my brain as I typed. Scary ;)