A Thousand Times

For our church baby showers we like to have someone share a word on parenting from a spiritual perspective.  Last time I was asked to share for a friend of mine.  This time I had something on my mind and volunteered.  Since I posted the last one, it seemed appropriate to post this one as well.  Thank you lovely lady friends from church for letting me share the thoughts on the repetitious nature of parenthood that have filled my life lately. (A note to those who heard this, I accidentally left out a line but it has been added back in here).

A thousand times we’ve cleaned up messes – dirty diapers, toys on the floor, stained clothes.

A thousand times we’ve been up at night – crying babies, childhood nightmares, sicknesses, waiting for the teens to come home.

A thousand times we’ve said no – don’t do that, don’t go there, it’s not the best for you, trust me.

A thousand times we’ve explained what it is or how to do it, waiting for them to learn because we are ready before they are.

A thousand times we’ve answered questions - who, what, when, where, how, and oh so many whys; even when the timing is bad, even the same ones over and over.

A thousand times, a thousand ways we’ve cared for our children - bathed them, brushed them, clothed them, fed them, healed them, helped them, taught them.

A thousand times we’ve put aside our things to do for our children - our time, our plans, our dreams, our preferences.

A thousand times we’ve cheered our children on to do their best - congratulated them or consoled them.

A thousand times we’ve realized we cannot be perfect parents and live up to the expectations we have (especially the ones we shouldn’t have).

A thousand times we’ve asked for forgiveness, been honest, and stood for what was right, even when it’s all hard, to set an example.

A thousand times we’ve watched our children walk away from us – in anger, in shame, on short adventures, on long adventures, to where we cannot go.

A thousand times we’ve given hugs, kisses, snuggles, cuddles, gifts, and I love yous – and gotten them in return.

A thousand times we’ve prayed for our children - for peace, for safety, for help, for wisdom, for salvation; and also prayed for ourselves.

The repetitions of parenthood can be monotonous, frustrating, joyful, loving, and full of grace.  To be honest, this idea developed from the not so good side of things.  With my girls being 5 and 2 I’ve been rather frustrated lately with saying the same things over, and over, and over.

But that is what led to remembering the good things.  And it is what led to remembering God as our Father.  For everything I find repetitive He’s been there before me: He’s had every kind of child imaginable, faced every kind of challenge imaginable.  It doesn’t take much looking to find examples of what God deals with from the Old Testament to the New Testament. 

Nehemiah recounts some of the behaviors of the ancient Israelites saying, “But they, our forefathers, became arrogant and stiff-necked, and did not obey your commands.  They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles you performed among them.  They became stiff-necked and in their rebellion appointed a leader in order to return to their slavery.” (9:16-17a, NIV)  Further on, in Matthew, Jesus exclaims (in frustration perhaps?), “O unbelieving and perverse generation…how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you?” (17:17, NIV)  But returning to Nehemiah and taking a peek at Jeremiah 31:3 we see what God does in repetition.

Nehemiah 9:17b, “But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them.” (NIV)

Jeremiah 31:3, “The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” (NIV)

I have been thinking on this since before the planning for this shower, and I cannot say I’ve resolved my frustration at the place of repetition I’m in.  It is more what is keeping my perspective from becoming too skewed.

Getting Back To It

Ah, reading my July 1st post is disheartening.  That and having gone basically two months without posting.  Like I said then, these type of record keeping posts probably don’t interest anyone except me.  It is my way of encouraging myself, keeping some sort of accountability, and giving myself goals to work towards.  But the way it could interest any readers who may happen by is that it is also part of the attempt to use this blog to be honest and open about myself.

I am, as this shows, a person who fails at what she plans, even if it is only herself that she truly fails; it means I disappoint, it means I’m human.  I am a person who will always have more thoughts and ideas in my head than I can ever get out or accomplish; it means life is often stressful, it means life will never be boring.  I am a person who wishes to be better than I am; it means I may never cease struggling,  it means I will not settle for mediocre in the end.  Does it mean anything else?

So, I’m sneaking this and one other thing in for my August posts…at least I hope I am.  And we’ll see what next month brings.  Will I get my at least 5 posts per month? Will I start my new regular features?  Will I catch up on all I wanted to write this year?  Will I learn the elusive trick of conversing in print???

Journey with me and we’ll see ;)

Happy Independence Day

Today we celebrated with minor explosives a holiday commemorating our independence which took some major explosives to achieve.  Major explosives that still echo throughout our world today making, “the rocket’s red glare” and “bombs bursting in air” all too real for some people.  Achieving this independence also took sacrifice, dedication, intelligence and cooperation.  In the intervening centuries this independence has been used to squander wealth, abuse power, divide people, and indulge self.  The peace and freedom that allows us to enjoy decorative explosions is a blessing paid for by others.  So what are we doing with our independence?  Just some thoughts :)  Happy Independence Day.

Six Months In

I made it!...more or less.  Six months of at least one blog per month, excepting June which I missed by about 15 minutes.  My own fault, of course, since I had the whole month to do it in :)  But I'll count it as my June post, just for my own score keeping.  This beats my previous attempt by 3 months.  And I actually managed 2 or more per month for most months, with the most being 4, bringing my total number of posts this time around to 14, which is two more than my first attempt.  Grand total of 26 posts; still manageable for anyone wanting to catch up ;)  Not that this matters much to any of you, more just encouraging for me.
In these few months I've learned a lot - besides just that I can do this.  Writing on a regular basis is good for me.  Even if what I'm writing has nothing to do with the craziness of life at the time, it seems to ease the chaos in my head.  Therapeutic some might call it.  I think maybe it just gets out some of the thoughts running around my brain, thus making more room for other things :)  Whatever the reason it's something that will keep me going with or without responses.
Unfortunately, one of my hopes for this blog was that it might spark some thoughts and conversations.  However, beyond a handful of comments from a few people nothing much has sparked.  Apparently conversation isn't my strong suit, even in writing ;)  If anyone has tips or comments that might help in this area, please do share (really, please...I'm begging you - share! ;)
So, moving on.  New things coming up (hopefully):
     1. Something that may help garner readers is that you can sign up to receive emails of posts.  In the left column where it says "Mail Call!" just type in your email address, click the "Submit" button and follow the instructions.  I've tested it and all you'll get is an email for any day I post.  So if I do two posts in one day you only get one email.  The email shows the blog title, the post title, and a few sentences of the post.  Both the blog title and the post title can be clicked on to get to the blog. That's it.
     2.  Having easily achieved my at least one post per month for the most part I'm upping the ante to at least five posts per month.  But for those getting emails I'll try to keep it to four days per month.  Four of these posts will be parts of two regular features I'd like to do on alternating weeks: "Songs to Share" and "Words to Share".  The fifth will be my at least one post of before.  As always it will be a jumble of whatever is on my mind - some serious, some silly, some pointless, some pointed.
However you have supported me, thank you.  This is fun for me, so it's encouraging when people take an interest :)

Life Lessons Entry #2: God Meets Our Needs

 Life Lessons will be a series of posts about what God has been teaching me of recent years.  That’s not to say He didn’t teach me before that, it just has never seemed so easy to define.  So #1 doesn’t mean that’s the first God taught me, just where I started recording it. Initially they were intended to be chronological, but that quickly fell through; so I’ll try to date them if possible :)
In my previous Life Lessons Entry, I wrote about God's provision. Mixed in with realizing how well God had provided for us, at about the same time I also realized how He had been meeting our needs.  Those may sound like the same thing, but it was something I deeply felt was distinct from God’s provision, but have been hard put to explain the difference.
It is, perhaps, like this: provisions are things you gather together for a journey that you think or know you will need – it is done beforehand, before you leave.  However, along that journey you may find yourself in need of other things – perhaps unexpectedly.  So God’s provision is what He sets out before us – perhaps before we know we need it or will have need of it.  Meeting our needs is then when He takes care of problems or difficulties that arise – or what we perceive as problems or difficulties; it could be they were provisions all along and we just don’t know it ;)  In my life the events that made this evident involved our cars and our finances.
Shortly before coming to MN in 2005 our good car dropped its transmission in our driveway.  We had to take out a loan to get a replacement that would work well up here.  It was a good enough car but a little iffy for the long trips we took to visit family.  Then in December 2006 it was totaled when it hit some ice and slid off the road.  Unfortunately this was just before a Christmas trip to Nebraska.  However, some friends of ours were just putting their minivan up for sale and agreed to sell it to us.  This let us avoid another bank loan and allowed us to get the car sooner.  They set up a reasonable payment plan for us, and we paid the car off entirely with tax return money in February 2008.  Eventually we decided we needed another car that would be better for trips and for me to get around in, particularly in winter.  Having paid off the minivan, we found another minivan around July 2008.  The car was in excellent condition, but the family was selling it for less than they could have because they wanted another family to be able to have a good car.  When we decided it really wouldn’t be wise to spend even that much they lowered it some more and allowed us to make two payments.  It was entirely paid off in August 2008.  We have both cars still today.
As far as finances go, with me being a stay at home mom money has always been tight.  Yet somehow we have always had enough.  We had an unexpected insurance rebate at one point when we needed it.  We’ve had friends loan us cars when ours were not working, and volunteer time to help fix ours.  We get hand me down clothes and things for the girls.  In countless other ways our family, friends, and church are generous in how they share in our lives.  All this makes our dollars stretch further than we could manage ourselves.  And we have learned, and are still learning, to manage better.  Our needs are always met.  Sometimes even our wants.  I cannot see coincidence in all the little things that occur.  To me it is a testament to God taking the time to meet the needs that concern us in our day to day lives.

Failing at Planning

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail,” is a trite, over simplified piece of advice designed to encourage people to set goals and take steps to achieve them.  This phrase wandered through my head the other night (do not ask me why, for I do not know ;) and it was followed by this train of pointless logic:

1. If by failing to plan you plan to fail, you therefore have a plan.

2. But if you then have a plan you have not failed to plan.

3. So if failing to plan was your plan you therefore have no plan because you do have a plan. 

4. Thus this statement is either profoundly logical or logically impossible.

:)

Life Lessons #1: God's Provision

Life Lessons will be about what God has been teaching me of recent years.  That’s not to say He didn’t teach me before that, it just has never seemed so well defined.  So #1 doesn’t mean that’s the first God taught me, just where I started recording it.  Theoretically they’ll be in chronological order, but there are no guarantees :)

God’s provision means to me things He has set out for us before we knew we would need them.  It is something I have spoken of most of my life as a Christian.  However, it didn’t really reach my heart so deeply until the middle of 2009 when I saw the results of events that took place years earlier.  The most overwhelming examples were in the area of jobs for my husband and me. 

When we first moved to MN we both worked for Wal-Mart.  I strongly wished to be a stay at home mom when we had children, which obviously wouldn’t happen with those jobs.  We soon found I was pregnant with our first child, so my husband started looking for a different job and I started looking for a work from home job.  He got hired in November, we were due in February.  His health insurance wouldn’t kick in until after 90 days – which ended up being just after our daughter was born.  It wouldn’t cover the hospital bills.  However, I had been unable to find a work from home job so we still had some benefits through my job.  While on maternity leave I did find the perfect at home job for me and never had to go back to Wal-Mart. 

About a year and a half later we had moved and I lost my job.  We never would have considered me quitting to be a strictly stay at home mom.  However, we found that with my husband’s yearly raises and our new home we could make it.  Besides that the health benefits and other perks from my husband’s job saved us a lot and allowed us to enjoy some things we might not have otherwise.  Money was tight, but though we periodically talked about me working again and tried a few things nothing worked out.  Then my mother mentioned a website to me where I could do freelance writing.  This turned out to be a perfect fit where I can work as I am able, choosing my jobs to fit my needs.  It has potential to be there when the kids are older and in school and I can work more, and it can be worked from anywhere I have a computer and internet access.

We’ve had our own thoughts about what we need and plans for what to do.  None of it ever would have put us in the position we are now.  Yet if we had been given the choice we probably wouldn’t have chosen what we currently have.  My husband works hard but does not greatly love his job.  Money is constantly tight and it would be nice if it wasn’t.  Being home with the kids sometimes makes me crazy.  But it all works together and is good; a blessing. 

“Great is Thy faithfulness oh God!…even though I feel unfaithful,” is what I find myself saying so often.  What took me so long to understand this?

Responsible Reading

Harry Potter first started becoming popular when I was in college.  Not one to care for fads I didn’t pay much attention to the books, or the hoopla they caused in the Christian community.  Then the librarian at my Christian college – a fine Christian woman – was talking about it one day.  She thought the books were fine, and the hoopla was uninformed and misdirected.  So I was curious and looked into it all.  What I’ve read on both sides of it brought me to this question: are the people vilifying the Harry Potter books paying as close attention to the other books their children read?  What about the music they listen to, movies they watch, computer media they use?  Do they really know what is available to their children at their schools, libraries, or online?

True, that’s easy for me to say since I’ve never had children at that age and don’t know how hard it is to keep track of that or get them to talk about it.  The truth of it is, we can’t monitor or dictate everything for our kids.  It seems that rather than putting our thoughts and energies into attacking popular media, we should put them into teaching our children responsibility.  Teach them responsible reading, viewing, listening, participating.  Teach them to think for themselves, decide what matters to them, and teach them to evaluate what they do in light of their beliefs.  Admittedly still difficult and involving hard work, but possible.

Novel concept, right?

Why I So Deeply Appreciate Libraries

Ever since I was little I have enjoyed checking out books from the library.  Thanks for that goes to my mom.  However, it wasn’t until I was an adult and had my own children that I’ve come to appreciate so many of the services my current library offers.

Having small children makes peacefully browsing bookshelves impossible.  Instead I am able to browse the entire collection of libraries in this county online at home.  Recommendations from librarians and patrons are offered through book lists.  Also, I can reserve items which I can then pick up at my convenience and check out in a few minutes time; children and all. 

Personally I’ve checked out everything from books, to movies, to cds, to audio books, to Museum Passes.  The Museum Pass is a joint venture with various local museums, zoos, and other activities.  Checking out a pass allows the user a certain number of free tickets and/or other benefits depending on the venue.  Other available materials are large print edition books, newspapers, magazines, and early reservations of incoming books.

At various times I’ve made use of copiers and computers.  The computers are available for internet needs but also for word processing and printing.  Personally I’m pleased with the quiet places with lovely views that encourage my writing.  The children’s areas I frequent with my girls are inviting with toys, puzzles, and interesting facts to look at; even I am entertained and educated. 

My children and I have tried out story times from months old and up as well as indoor play areas.  Other events we haven’t gotten to involve cultural awareness, author talks, writing workshops, tax information, and book clubs.

I will always be an advocate of reading books, therefore a supporter of libraries.  However to expect only books from a library any more is merely skimming the surface.  Libraries meet many more needs, for no fees, providing assistance, entertainment, and education.

Kids Say: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

A conversation with my then 3 1/2 to 4 year old daughter:
     Me: We're going to the library tomorrow.
     Her: Right now?
     Me: No, tomorrow.
     Her: Isn't tomorrow today?
We had been discussing what the words "yesterday", "today", and "tomorrow" meant.  Apparently there was still a gap in understanding.

:)

Eternity Scares Me

Perhaps scares isn’t quite the right word; overwhelms might be a better term.  I’m not talking about heaven: the place – but eternity: the never ending measure of time.  It’s something I can’t quite wrap my mind around.  We live in a world of the finite – things will not always be the way they are.  That can be a comfort when things are bad; a sadness when things are good.  We even know that our lives here will eventually end.  There is no frame of reference for time that is infinite.

Usually I can think of, or speak of, eternity just fine.  It’s a familiar description of what happens in the hereafter.  However, at other times that attempt to deeply comprehend the meaning of eternity – being somewhere for a truly unlimited time – sneaks in.  It is like trying to picture what eternity will be like.  I start to feel a tightness in my chest, a breathlessness – and try to think of something else immediately.  Maybe it is just that eternity is something too vast for my limited thoughts to grasp.

It’s something I feel weird talking about – what if nobody else thinks like this?  Or when I die, will God be offended that eternity makes me nervous?  When it comes right down to it I don’t believe that.  Apprehension of the unknown is natural – and eternity is perhaps the ultimate unknown.  I trust that God understands even better than I that the unknown can make me nervous, and He won’t hold it against me.

Some Blog Navigation Tips, Part 2

NEW!  Follow by Email.  This was what I was originally hoping for in the “Come, Follow…” part: the ability for readers to sign up to get email notifications whenever I post.  Apparently that did not previously exist, but recently has been created.  So in the left hand side bar where it says “Mail Call!” you can submit your email address.  Just type it in the box and click the “Submit” button.  It brings up a box that tells you it is sending you a confirmation email: which you MUST read and respond to properly to be completely signed up.  Thereafter you will get an email whenever I post, but never at any other time.  So be forewarned, I tend to post two or three days in a row, then have none for three to four weeks (I am trying for at least one post per month).

About Previous Posts:  If you would like to see what I have previously written, there is a section in the side bar on the left that says, “What Came Before.”  It lists my posts by year with a left pointing arrow next to it.  Click the arrow and it will point down and open a list of months with left pointing arrows next to them.  Click those arrows and a list of post titles will open.  Click on a title to read the post.  You can also navigate with the words “Newer Post, Home, Older Post” at the very bottom of all the pages.

About Labels, which I renamed Related Topics:  For each post I am allowed to add labels based on the content; each post may have several labels.  In the left hand side bar under “Related Topics” is a list of all the labels I’ve used, organized alphabetically.  The number next to each label shows how many posts I’ve used that label for.  By clicking a particular label you will be shown all the posts that label is on.

Sorry if these posts were way too basic, but I’m not sure who knows what, so I wanted to do my best to help everyone.  If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask me.  If I don’t know the answer I will endeavor to find it.  Thanks for reading along and sharing thoughts on my humble blog.

Some Blog Navigation Tips, Part 1

Some of you are as new, or newer, to blogging as I am.  Though technically I’ve been here since 2009, I haven’t spent a lot of time on it, and I’m somewhat computer speak/blogging illiterate anyway.  But I’ve explored some and with my husband’s help figured out a few tips that might help you out.  If you are completely savvy on how to get around, feel free to skip these two posts (though if you have any additional tips to share, feel free to do that as well; I, and other newbies, will thank you for it :)

About Commenting:  I greatly desire to hear what you have to say!  To see what others have said, or add your own input, click under the post where it says “comments” (it is preceded by a number to show how many have been made).

You are more than welcome to post anonymously if you desire; however, I do enjoy knowing who I am talking to.  Options for signing your name are: 1. to just write it in the comment you are making or

2. Just under the comment box it says “Comment as:” followed by a box and an arrow; click the arrow which will drop down a list; select “Name/URL”; in the box it brings up put your name in the “Name” box (you can ignore the “URL” box), then click “Continue.” 

When you have finished your comment click the “Post Comment” button.  You are then asked to type in some letters you see (this is to prevent spam).  After typing the letters click the “Post Comment” button and it should show up on the blog.

About Following:  I have as yet to figure out the purpose of “following” a blog, except that it shows your support of the blog, and I think you can send messages to each other.  In my blog I list it as “Come, Follow…” in the left hand side bar.  Click on the “Follow” button.  It brings up a box where you may choose from following through accounts you already have in Google, Twitter, Yahoo!, AIM, Netlog, or OpenID.  If you have none of these at the bottom it says: “Don’t have any of these?  Create a new Google Account.”  This is a free account and is for their Google Friend Connect service; you may do as much or as little with it as you like (or understand).  Fill in the required boxes at the top (email address, password, Re-enter password.)  In the bottom United States is your location unless you choose otherwise, and Birthday is optional.  Type in the letters you see, read the terms of service (if you wish) and click the “I accept. Create my account” button.

Really?!

Does this trouble any one else?  In one day of "news worthy" items I saw: a devastating earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand; rioting against the government in Libya; and...Jennifer Aniston and Justin Bieber got haircuts!

Really?!

Kids Say: No! No! No! No! Snow!

We're not against snow - this is how my youngest daughter started saying "snow" back in November and December.  When she first picked it up she would say, very excitedly, "No!  No!  No!  No!"  A bit confusing for us if we didn't know what she was looking at.  But we caught on eventually.  Sometime mid-December I caught a few lispy "s" sounds with it, making it "shno," and once very distinctly she called out, "Snow!"...then reverted back to "No!"  Recently, when we saw snow falling she added, "Nonen" (snowing) to her repertoire.  Sometimes we get the "s" for "Snow!" but mostly it's still "No!"  My oldest daughter was the same when she was learning to talk - "No!  No!  No!  No!"  Always very excited and oh so full of wonder even before they could say it properly.  Comes in handy living up north where we get drifts of snow taller than they are!

Safety or Trust

Getting my thoughts together is proving harder than I thought.  I'm still not sure this says all I wanted to or says it the way I wanted.  It's just some things I've been thinking about recently.  There's much more of this going on in my head, but this is the gist of it that I managed to get "on paper".

From things going on in the world I’ve been wondering about finding balance between the need to feel safe and trusting God.  Basically the idea is this: when we do not trust in God we try too hard to make ourselves safe.  To me it seems like people are going too far in trying to preserve their lives.

That is not to deny the need to take reasonable precautions.  However, it is to realize that even with those precautions we have no guarantee of safety.  Therefore, it is necessary to trust God with our lives; that whether we are comfortable or suffering it is not apart from God.  Because if being safe is the desire of our hearts, when life takes that safety away we are lost, we blame God, we fear life.

Ultimately perhaps fear is the key.  If safety is our goal we will spend our lives trying to do anything to keep ourselves safe, fearing that something will hurt us.  If trust in God is our goal we don’t have to fear anything because we believe He has control over what is going on, good or bad.

Kids Say: Where is heaven?

Can you explain that to a young child?  I've had conversations with my oldest daughter, who is almost 5, on this subject before.  This morning on the way home from church she asked me, "Is God really in the sky?" 

I can explain to her why people say that: Jesus ascended into the sky; a long time ago people didn't have a way to fly so they didn't know what was up there.  And I can explain that He is not: if you go up in an airplane you won't see God; even if you go up in a rocket you won't see heaven. 

But when she asks me where heaven is I am at a loss for words.  Is it invisible; is it another dimension; is it on another planet; is it all around us?  I don't think any of those is an adequate answer; but how do you explain the intangible to a child? 

Where is heaven?

START HERE because here goes...again

     It's been over a year since I've done anything on my blog.  To me that's not surprising, but it is disappointing.  Not surprising because, unfortunately, that is how I tend to handle independent projects - get an idea, get started, fizzle out in the middle.  Disappointing because I hoped the sense of purpose I felt and what I had planned would overcome that failing. 
     Some of what I posted before is embarrassing because I was so excited and so sure I should be doing this.  It was tempting to scrap a lot in starting over to avoid some of that embarrassment.  However, one thing I'd like for this blog is that it be an honest expression of me; even when being me is embarrassing.  So, I did change some things to make it less confusing and more organized, but the main content remains the same.  If anyone is interested in my original attempts, the first seven posts of 2009 are the why and what of this blog, the next three were planned, and the last two were my desperate attempts to keep going when I knew I was failing.  There are none for 2010.
     This time around I have a better plan and can guarantee at least one post per month.  Sometimes short, sometimes long, maybe silly, odd, or serious, always a piece of me by way of what is running around in my head.  So, please do check back, join in - share thoughts, comments, questions, or whatever - and we can talk.  Welcome to my humble blog :)