Casual Writing

I am a self-editor, a deep thinker who is detail oriented. I enjoy writing because I can organize things and rearrange and choose my words carefully, and…well, you get the idea. The problem is that doing all of that takes time, and energy – two things that are limited in my life for a variety of reasons. That problem is part of what has gotten in my way in the past when it comes to writing anything, including posts for this blog.

God is faithful even when we feel our weakest and messiest. That’s where I’ve been the last few years – feeling awful about myself and what I do, but assured nonetheless that I am deeply loved by God. Part of that assurance is that He has been teaching me many things and stretching me in many ways.

That means – I’d like to write about all of it!!!!! In order to get thoughts to words on page or screen means I have to give up some of that deliberation about what I write and just put it out there. Typos, poor grammar and language choice, muddled thoughts and all. 

In the past I have made plans for what I want to do with this blog (Have I mentioned I am a planner too? My follow through and discipline are terrible, though ; ). So I have no plan. But I hope that as I think of things I will pray about them then write and post them. There may be more content, but expect mistakes. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll get more done this year…and maybe not. I will try to be obedient to God in my life and trust Him for the outcome even if it doesn’t match my expectations or desires.

This was something that occurred to me lately to do, encouraged by the example of a friend of mine who is attempting his blog again. However, looking at the first last post of 2017 (the last time I posted because it was an Every Other Year - no longer so embarrassing, now somewhat amusing; and a "plan" I am keeping up with...so far) I see I closed with this statement, "Going with honest and authentic, and having gone past my time limit, I'll be brave and not self edit - this is thoughts as they came out of my brain as I typed. Scary ;) So apparently God may have been using my "failure" (cutting it close to post in 2017) to prepare me for a place I would be a year and a half later. He's got me beat at being a planner - and His follow through is perfect! ; ) Unedited writing is still a scary proposition for me, though

Just for fun, just to review

I am going to sneak a second post in for 2017, but honestly, it's a cheat - I am reviewing a few old posts, so not really much new content, but some are good reminders for me.

If you happen to think like me and enjoy the background whys of the way things are, you might find these posts about my title interesting:
Journey
Story
Light
A Place

Two posts from "saying something" for baby shower for friends at church. A delightful friend both times blessed my heart by enthusing over them and telling me I was a writer. Might be good reminders for me to reread too as a mommy.
How to Be a Good Mommy
A Thousand Times

And from 2011, my most prolific year at 18 posts all by August.
March 
Short and to the point. Interesting to me because this was referring to my oldest, one of my daughters. Currently I am having frequent discussions with my now 3, almost 4 year old youngest, one of my sons. Apparently kids still say odd things about the rather complicated issue of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

May 
This one I "have" to link to every year just because it is one of my favorites (okay, probably favorite). It garnered the most responses in more than one venue, it is super short, and it is just silly. Perhaps intelligent silliness (if I dare say that about myself), but silly nonetheless.

July 
Sigh.
Yes, embarrassing as it highlights rather obvious failure. But I included it more for this note: In the left column where it says "Mail Call!" just type in your email address, click the "Submit" button and follow the instructions.  I've tested it and all you'll get is an email for any day I post.  So if I do two posts in one day you only get one email.  The email shows the blog title, the post title, and a few sentences of the post.  Both the blog title and the post title can be clicked on to get to the blog. That's it.

So, I really want to know: Does this still work? Does anyone still get these emails? 

It’s not like I am drowning anyone in emails with posting every other year. It’s also quite likely I end up in spam folders or lost amid an inundation of other emails.

August

Oh, the questions! And the answers are: No, no, no, and apparently no.

Which all this review brings me to this question: is this blog completely self-centered and solely to please me? Is it worth continuing? 

Well, maybe I'll figure that out in 2019. With that in mind, looking ahead just for fun - 2019 brings us 15 years of marriage, four decades of life for me, my husband will be one year off as old as I am now, our first teenager, two kids in double digits, needing to report three kids for homeschooling, and no kids younger than five.

Where to begin, here at the end?

Well, this Every Other Year I am cutting it close - about an hour and a half in my time zone until 2017 is done. So if Blogger posts time by a different time zone I may be out of luck.  I have been thinking about what to post for several months now, very aware that it has been my every other year for many, many months already. Several ideas got tossed around, and this afternoon I even wrote out something I thought might work. It still didn't seem quite right. So, I've given myself the length of one of my favorite Sue Thomas F.B. Eye episodes (not one of the doubles) to get done in, and am encouraging myself to just be honest.

I never have been quite sure what the "purpose" of this blog is or who it is for. It hasn't become any clearer. My next every other year is 2019 - ten years from my first year posting - will I know by then? To my knowledge no one even reads it any more, and yet I keep it around.

Glancing back at some posts (but not all of them) it seems things have not changed much. I would still say life is hard, but that doesn't mean it's not good. And yes, I still feel like I am failing at much. But oh, how faithful God remains! And I would not know Him so well, nor run to Him so often, if this hard was not here.  And He is teaching me so much.

One thing He has been bringing up and developing over the years, and which I had written out something about this afternoon, is what a community of disciples of Jesus should be like. Oh church, I think we have missed some things! Or maybe it's just me who has missed some things.

So much goes into this idea of community - submission, authenticity, openness, accountability, discipling, welcoming.  To adequately address it would take more time than I have, and more than one post, no doubt. It is something I don't feel I have completely apprehended but would so enjoy discussing with people. Any takers?

To remind myself and to testify to others, what I would choose to emphasize here at the end, is that in spite of self-doubt and self-criticism, fears and worries, difficulties in communication with my marriage, almost daily struggles with my four children, anxieties about finances that are tight, and many failed attempts to find a schedule or routine that works to get everything I want into my days, God is faithful - He is hope in despair, strength in weakness, and joy in the midst of sadness and discouragement. Without God I would not be.

Going with honest and authentic, and having gone past my time limit, I'll be brave and not self edit - this is thoughts as they came out of my brain as I typed. Scary ;)

Some Thoughts on Advent, Week 1

Advent can be easily overlooked in the rush to get to Christmas. All too often we relegate it to a countdown of days.  However, for me, the times in my life when I have stopped to think about it, I find myself delighted with Advent.  One time was in college when I did an Advent sermon (which I wish I could find). Now is another, when I am getting to share some Advent thoughts for a progressive dinner.  This is my chance to look at those thoughts a little more in depth.

To be clear, it isn't so much the holiday, or observance, of Advent that excites me; it is what it represents. This is about God at work; God fulfilling promises; God with us. Oh, hallelujah!

So, the first thoughts to share about Advent, appropriately, come from the beginning.  Genesis 1:1 says, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." During that creation He formed mankind: the man, Adam, and the woman, Eve.  Adam and Eve went on to disobey God, to sin, thus bringing brokenness to us and our world.  The beginning is where Advent starts.

Sin separated us from God and put us in need of a Savior to bring us back to Him.  Throughout the centuries God gave promises that this Savior would come. This Messiah. Through stories we now know today: of Noah being saved from the flood; of Abraham who was blessed that through his descendants the world would be blessed; and through the words of the prophets, most particularly Isaiah.

Through this time all the people had of the Savior was hope. The hope of what God had promised; the hope of Who was to come - not knowledge of Who He was.  Then after the time covered in what we call the Old Testament, there was a period of silence from God. Four hundred years of silence.  Living in a sinful world, in silence from God, was truly darkness.

Then into that darkness, Matthew writes of Jesus using the words of Isaiah, "...the people living in darkness have seen a great light." (Matthew 4:16; Isaiah 9:2).  Consider a match struck in a darkened room and how much difference that seemingly small light can make.  That would be like the short span of Jesus' life here on earth.  Stunning in its unexpectedness; a light to ignite other lights.

Make no mistake, though, Jesus was there from the beginning. As John chapter 1 says, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning." (verses 1 & 2)."  That Word was Jesus.  In verses 3 through 5, John goes on to say, "Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."

For your advent, consider a time of darkness in your life where God entered in with His light. Or perhaps a time of hope that came in spite of darkness.

Oh, The Embarrassment!

I have been thinking lately of a joke at myself that I made regarding my blog habits. It was that I seemed to only write here every other year.  I couldn't remember when I said it and I couldn't remember if I had gotten any posts done for the last "every other year" (2013).  But I had been pondering the possibility of fitting a few posts in here at the end of 2015 just to keep up the pattern.

So here I came with my ideas of what to post, and what do I see as my last post but the very thing I had been thinking of Every Other Year. It did confirm what I had hoped, that I had posted in 2013.  But it also said I had a plan that I would stick to this time around. "Attempt #3 is underway..." it said.

And it was the last post of 2013. So much for that attempt.  I have a couple of similar posts on here about what I planned to do. Each is a reminder of embarrassing failed attempts.  I don't do failure or embarrassment well.  So maybe this is a part of God's plan (as I originally said I felt He was asking me to do this: So, here goes). Maybe I need to learn to fail. Or maybe I need to learn to not rely on a plan. Or maybe both or neither.  Maybe it just is what it is.

The thing is, I still feel like I should write. And there are still abundant amounts of ideas I have. Even when I am not writing here, I think about it. It's not that I forget I have a blog, it's that I have so many other things in my life too.  At any rate, I will have at least one post for 2015; to keep up my pattern that gives me another year or two until I have to post again ;)  After all, I wouldn't want to be Failing at Planning (still my favorite post to have written :)